Enough hate to power the corrupt engine of the world.

Page 5. It's like a sore that just keeps coming back.

10.29.02 - 0347

Thank you for your recent advice regarding the cement dog house and kennel. Construction started today and it will be a fine addition to the back of the dungeon. I am also having some modifications made, which will enable play time to take place in the kennel in the summer months.

I read your column quite frequently, and notice puppy girl corresponded seeking advice regarding the preparation of the Thanksgiving goose.

Although you routinely dispense excellent advice, I was somewhat distraught when you counseled the possibility of her turning on her master. Although I am into extreme play on occasion, I am quite taken aback by your suggestion.

Can you recommend any good French cooking books, which I can provide my sub? Thus expanding her horizons in the culinary arts. I am particularly fond of pate.

Wishing you gastrointestinal delight!

Duck Hunter Harry from Des Moines

Duck Hunter Harry from Des Moines,

If you can't handle rabies play, perhaps you shouldn't own a doggie. I thought everybody knew this, but apparently I was grievously erroneous.

Most of the french cooking books I own provide excellent recipes for the proper preparation and cooking of infants. I tellya, crotchfruit pate is the BEST. Choose a child that's about six months old, and use the tried and true method of penning them and jamming corn and various other gruesome nutrients down their gullet. That should fatten them up quite nicely.

Mmmm...fuckin' baby pate. Ain't nuttin' wrong wit' dat.

I've developed this problem where I can't go past pwincess' posts without clicking on her come-hither-gaze-atop-an-ample-plunging-neckline photograph. How do I....overcome...this?

J.

J.,

Dig out your eyes with a grapefruit spoon. Posthaste.

Or stop fucking whining and deal with the fact that you're a voyeuristic little shit who gets off on low necked frilly nightwear.

I live at the VA and my roommate has his girlfriend from the strip club over. They throw ticks at me that bite my neck and when I pop the sores, they smell like vagina juice. What should I do?

Scabby in Sarasota

Scabby in Sarasota,

Perhaps you should find yourself a different class of friends.

Or, be sure to ooze on them when they're over. That should make them stop.

A) What's yer thread doing so down deep here?

B) These questions you're getting are getting way too gross, even for the famous BAL. We want to to reach your cozy Hallmark and "Unbearable Lightness of Being" kinds of Sides.

What gives?

Wistfully Wondering in Where-ever-you-want-it-to-be (Where DO you want it to be...?)

Wistfully,

A) I've been lax about answering, and the questions have finally begun petering off, thank god. Jesus, I thought I was never going to get rid of you bitches.

B) Sadly, there is only the 'Unbearable Stank of my Runny Ass'. Oops...that's probably 'too gross' for your pansy ass.

Fuck a buncha Hallmark.