I started getting into BDSM about 5 years ago. I was pretty naive about the entire thing until I started meeting people that were into it and interested in educating others about it. I started getting pretty heavy into piercing and tattooing at the same time. The idea that you could share an experience with another human being that entailed them dressing up in uniform *sigh*, consentual bondage and pain play, or playing out "the vampire fantasy" really intrigued me. It's not so much "getting a whip and beating the hell out of somebody" as experimenting with different sensation thresholds. People usually view it with a sideways glance because of the "damaging, degrading" connotations that've been pervasive lately.

Although I may act "toppy", in a relationship I'm really more of a switch-leaning towards sub than anything else. Powerplay is a great deal of fun. Letting somebody overpower me and hold me down is greatly rewarding, as is finding the right kind of person to submit to you. I'm very up front and "in your face" about my likes and dislikes, and sex is something that I'm pretty opinionated on. Because of this, most people assume that I "wear the pants" in any given relationship I'm in. That is, of course, not the case. I enjoy a liberal sharing of power in any relationship that I'm in with healthy ammounts of cuddling and communication thrown in for good measure. Sex and/or BDSM should be a shared act of emotion and physical sensation. If both parties aren't enjoying it, then this needs to be communicated. If this communication doesn't happen, one or both partners stand a great chance of becoming bitter or angry at the other one for perceived slights or offenses. I'm the kind of person that thinks that Prostitution should be legal, and that being able to act out *healthy* sexual fantasies (ie, something that doesn't invade upon another person's headspace/feelings and/or body) is really a releasing experience. I believe that most of the violent sexual crimes upon women and children can be directly attributed to past and current regimes of sexual facism. When the freedom to make your own sexual choices is taken away, people react in a MOST abberent manner.

Now that it's slowly gaining more outside exposure, even though most of it (in public, anyway) seems to be light play involving "the beautiful people" TM, people seem to be getting out of the constrictive slots that society places them in. The irony, is that bondage can be a very liberating experience. It gives you a chance to completely give the reins of delivering sensation to your partner, so you're free to let go and just bask in the bliss of whatever sensation they can cook up to deliver. Unlike a great deal of "bondage smut" out there that depicts young studs and nubile young women in various stages of what equates to sexual slavery, BDSM, when done RIGHT, is completely Sane, Safe, and MOST important, Consentual.

The process of starting a BDSM relationship can be anything from rigorous debate and communication explicitly detailing EVERYTHING that will happen between both partners, ending in a drawn up document so that nothing goes awry, to a gentle relaxed discussion about exploring each others comfort zones. The name of the game is COMMUNICATION. Too much is never enough. It's all about pleasure, as opposed to actually hurting somebody in a damaging way. Pain can be fun, but you'd better know what your partner's threshold is. Having somebody permanently damaged because you went too far is a spot you don't want to be in. And if you DO want to go there, then get your head examined...this is not about rape.

There are many instances in which your chosen partner isn't aware of their limits, or even of the sensations they like because they've never really thought about or experimented with these things before. It is in these cases that communication becomes most important. You can traumatize somebody mentally pretty easily if you don't let each other know what's going on inside your head.

Once you've come to an agreement on what will happen, you'll probably want to start off at the level that the partner with the least experience is accustomed to, then work your way up from there. It's quite a journey, and it doesn't have to be a race. Take your time...

Handy Tips:

• EDUCATE yourself - there are many books available on this subject that are very good. You also might want to take a couple of first aid courses at your local school if you're looking at getting into HEAVY play. It's always nice to have the knowledge if you need it...
• COMMUNICATE openly and frequently with your partner
• Be SAFE It's usually a pretty good idea to use different toys (whips, crops, canes) on different partners. If you get fluids on them, WASH THEM When restraining somebody, make sure that you have a mechanism to get them out quickly and painlessly in case a problem develops (cutting your partner out of restraints may be fun, but it gets REALLY expensive over time) When playing with fluids (blood, semen, urine, etc...) make sure you CLEAN any toys/tools used with bleach before and after each session. These are BIOHAZARDOUS materials, and they tend to be a breeding ground for bacteria, and bleach kills damn near everything... ALWAYS be aware of your partner's physical condition - Have some sort of code/safeword that your sub can use if they need to stop play, and if you're subbing, safewords are there for a REASON. USE THEM if you need them. If your top tells you that they don't recognize safewords, get the hell AWAY from them. That's not a person you want to give control to...
• Be SANE - Don't go cutting into major arteries if you're into bloodsports, for example. Use common sense, or go out and learn some
• Be CONSENTING - If one of you isn't consenting, that means it's rape guys...RAPE is BAD
• Last, but definitely not least, ENJOY YOURSELF!

For more information, check out the BDSM site I maintain: Dark Ice

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