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Description:
I'm a sultry, gravel-voiced blonde that loves to fuck. I'm about 5'6,
110lbs. The only thing I can think about is your hot body writhing above
me as you shoot your joy juice into my glory hole. I love being fisted,
ass-fucked and humiliated. I've only had leprosy for about 6 months
now, so I still appear attractive. If it weren't for this gaping hole
in the side of my nose, I could pose for professional glamour shots.
Nothing a little makeup and body fixative won't repair, eh? Sure, it
weeps yellow/green pus from time to time and there's a foul odor that
emanates from the hole in the morning when I arise, but it quickly dissipates
when I flush it with an appliance that sort of resembles a turkey baster.
Everything else is in perfect working order. I'm waiting for your hot
cock inside me, stud...Come and get it while I'm still soft and pliable.
As
you would expect, most of the responses were from unimaginative children
that issued forth with the basic grunts of "I've always wanted
to fuck a leper" or "say baby, you sound cute even though
you've got a great bloody big hole in your nose. About that assfuckin'..."
Sadly enough, apparently my ad excited the boys on Yahoo! so much that
they lost the capability to spell, form complete sentences and come
forth with coherent thoughts. Again, this shouldn't really surprise
anybody. A surprising amount of men sent me personal information like
their home phone numbers. Now if they'd only send their credit card
numbers...
10.19.00
- Today, I connected to my faux Yahoo! account to find that it had
been deleted. Some people just have NO sense of humour. Bastards. At
least days of delighfully disgusting responses have been archived for
posterity. Enjoy...
Here
are some of the more interesting ones. My responses are in green text.:
Somebody
had responded to me with three simple, annoying words. "Email me
back" What a lazy prick...
So
I decided to try to start a flamewar with him:
Email
me back? Let me tell you something, sweetheart. I may have been a social
pariah before I put this ad up, but by god I'm hot now, HOT I tell you!
You're going to have to do a lot better than some weak pussy ass response
to get me to even look your way, much less continue to respond to you.
Asshole.
Alas,
his response was weak and tiring. Nothing to write home about...*sigh*
God,
I love oozing sores, they are such a turn on!! I am a MWM that lives
and works in Northern Va. I am 3'6", 275 lbs. I am having a lot of problems
in my marriage since I was laid off four years ago, but my wife just
doesn't understand me. Why take a shower every day when all I do is
sit around the house and eat. Anyway, my flatulence problem is just
about over since the operation on my bowels and I feel almost normal.
If this sounds good to you please write as I will attach myself to you
like a leach and never let go!!
Hmm....leprosy?
Let's look at the bright side, you've only had it for 6 months and you're
still soft and pliable! Don't let that gaping hole on the side of your
nose shouldn't stop you from your glamour shots either. Images can be
touched up after all and if that isn't to your liking there's always
plastic surgery. As far as the pus is concerned, it's not too bad. Don't
we all ooze pus, yellow/green, blue/orange, whatever. That foul odor
you have every one running from, it's all good, as long as you keep
that turkey baster bedside and keep a portable one in your purse. If
you're soft and pliable now what happens to you after 6 months of leprosy?
Wouldn't you be more comfortable in leper colony or something? You'll
feel normal there and you don't have to explain your self to everyone.
What, no studs in leperville?
As i fire love
juice into your ass/pussy and then fist you would find it extremely
amuzing to watch you rot.
Oh wow, leprosy!!
And I thought I was here to catch AIDS....must have guessed wrong. I
like your game....but...I don't do humiliation in public..what goes
on in private, stays in private...doesn't mean we can't enjoy whatever
we want, but I'm not the humiliating kind of man. I am 47, white, and
have an imagination equal to yours.
Hi there sexy,
I am 28 from Sydney Australia and will be in the Arlington area for
business in mid-october. Would love to meet you and get together with
you for some lust and fun! Please respond to the above address and I'll
respons with hotel details and time etc....Yes, it's a suite! It'll
be my pleasure to take you out for some fine food and wine afterwards!!
Hear from you soon.....
::
Hey! Nauseating poetry! My favorite! ::
And
as I was surfing the personals
You arrived in search of me, nose hole and all.
I don't know,
I don't know where
you came from, from inside me like a river,
or like the yellow pus weeping across you lips.
I don't know how or when,
no, there were no voices,
and yet not only words,
but from the screen of my terminal I was summoned
from the streets of my existance,
aburptly from what I was before,
among violet fires
or puddles of pus,
there I was with a lepers face
and you touched me.
I
don't know what to say...you've touched my heart with this nauseating
little ditty in a way that no man ever has. I fairly weep with the knowing
that there's a kindred soul out there. I'm so moved...you've inspired
me to come up with a pseudo haiku of my own:
the
rhythm
of your cold, wet hands
as you touch my monkey
makes me squirmy
-Elita
New
odious phrase of the day: "my cum shots feel
like hot lava from a volcano" - Ouchie...
You
again! Jesus, I thought after someone had fucked your dead corpse, you
would be finished with putting up these ads...Me?
Homeless, incontinent, and seeking employment with a 6th grade education.
34 years old, 6'3", very dirty, with genital warts and a desire for
a female to rape and kill. Strong suits: can chew most of my own food
without help, string together sentences coherently, make a great panhandler,
have few limits on dignity, so I am not prone to embarrassment. Weak
points: Bathing, teeth that resemble corn, crack habit, love sodomy
more then I probably should. Come fly with me!
::
This sounds an awful lot like a friend of mine...he's probably just
jealous because my dirty little ad is nastier and is provoking a better
response than his did. Here is his 'personal profile from Yahoo! ::
Yahoo!
ID: Ubrokemymoodring
Real Name: M
Location: Rosslyn, VA.
Age: 34
Marital Status: Single
Sex: Male
Occupation: Drifter (ex-Amish)
Hobbies:
Finding out other people's interests,acting like I care, then telling
people I find them boring. Also, passing out other peoples business
cards as my own. Throwing rocks at cars.
Latest News: my parole hearing went very well...
YOU'RE
JUST JEALOUS!!! Yeah, anybody can have genital warts, but *I* have *LEPROSY*
you...you...WANNABE! Oh, you're so superior, sitting there stewing over
your rape fantasies and your complete lack of hygene, but I know what
you're REALLY about! It's because I'm FAT ISN'T IT?!? You BASTARD!!!
I HATE YOU!!!
So...we
still on for thursday night baby? I'll let you use the Foley Catheter
this time 'round.
Love
- Elita
YOU
SELF RIGHTEOUS WHORE!
How
dare you think your pussing sores are any better then mine ! Oh sure.....your
not so big and mighty now are you with your 6 toes and 4 fingers. Sure,
I have rape fantasies..but hey! Who doesn't...sure the idea of the turkey
baster is my idea of a fun Saturday night..but does that make me worse
then you.. Okay..I am calm now. Sorry for that outburst, it's just that
you lepers think you own the world..and get all the good handicapped
parking spaces. You lepers should be shipped back to the leper colony..
Yes, we are on for Thursday, you do my catheter, and I will do yours.
My catheter is for my colostomy bag, and right now it's full...and needs
to be drained. big smooches.. your pal.
Mitch..
I
got lazy and didn't respond to him, so:
I
WIN! I WIN! I left you speechless you corpse of a whore!......(raises
his fingers in truimph!) Thank you god! for making this victory over
the evil fat tramp possible...
And
my late response:
Well,
there goes the nose. I was at a soiree this weekend with a beautiful
persian prince who said that he'd give me everything in the world and
more if I'd just love him, and off it popped, right into the punchbowl!
I was so horrified that I committed myself for a couple of days. It
turned out for the best though, since my doctor said that I am now anorexic!
I haven't been able to stomach the smell coming from the orifice for
a couple of days now, so I haven't been eating. I must admit that I'm
starting to look sort of like a Borg, now that I have two clear tubes
running from my sinuses to a bag that catches the drippings on my hip.
The whole apparatus makes this horrendous sound, so I've taken to wearing
a bag over my head. Sure, I bump into things continually, but at least
it saves me the major embarrasment of people quickly ducking out of
my way so that they aren't touched by my foul disease. Damn this leprosy!
Damn it to hell!
Then,
two responses again, before I can reply. Goddamn, this guy is prolific:
1)
Well you anorexic, leprosy ridden, social butterflies have to pay the
price for your carefree nights. I can give you a few tips to use your
obvious shortcomings to ensnare that elusive prince rather then to horrify
him.
1. Your nasal cavity makes a great sex opening. It is always lubricated,
convenient, and best of all..no swallowing is necessary. Men seldom
care about odors when it comes to an orgasm...
2. Anorexia: There is nothing quite as magical then to feel a woman's
rib cage cracking against you as you make love to her. The sharp teeth
from purging, the gaunt eyes...god..I am getting hard just thinking
about it.
3. A drip bag can be accessoried to match any outfit. It can be as discreet
as a handbag if it is tastefully decorated. Keep your chin up..(that's
next to come off)..
2)
so..there I was ...hanging with the guys..they were all saying how hot
the women are they have been seeing..so then I looked them in the eyes..and
with my head held high..I said.."my baby"..."has leprosy".."and I love
her, even if she has a large, oozing, foul smelling hole smack dab in
the middle of her face"....and I just felt you should know that.. sniff...god,
I promised not to come apart like this...for the love of Jesus..please
take her and let her die...
Hi
I would love to be your stud but when I looked up the word "Leprosy"
it stated that you are contagious and that I might get some of your
bacteria on me if I came in contact with you. You see when I have sex,
I have sex with your whole body, not just parts.
(golly...this
one READS. I wish I could work up the energy to be impressed. He also
seems a little more timid than the other responders...maybe he's a late
bloomer)
You
sound perfect for me. Just thing, I fuck you so hard your limbs will
come flying off. I love ripping arms and legs off during a particularly
rough round of sex. I am a very physical male that likes women that
like it rough. So if you want all of oozing sores and gapping holes
fucked and filled just write. I fuck you till you explode
(He
*ahem* fuck me till I explode. Me am wondering if this am being Mahir...
"Welcome to my home page! I fuck you till you explode!")
Some
guy sent me some rather frothy porn, to which I immediately replied:
Oh
god...that was SO exciting, baby. Although, as always, when I cum the
necrotic orifice in my head acts up and deposits a foul smelling goo
all over the sheets. Well, in this case, all over the keyboard...mmmmmmmmmmm.
I'll be back after I clean up a bit. Yours, Elita
(It
appears that this 'hearty young buck' intends to keep me in smutty stories
for as long as I can string him along. Since they don't suck, I'll see
how many I can get out of him, then post the final tally here)
Take
a portion of Philly, plenty of blood of Palermo from mother, throw in
more than a thimble of Naples and Sperlonga from father, and mix with
the streets of Brooklyn. . .as a youngster my Aunt Philomena, the Sicilian
prophetess, after looking at the entrails of a chicken, told me to seek
the Necrotic One; give her Aunt Phil's three drugs(dapsone, rifampicine,
and clofazimine)and always remember Athena would be my protectress.
. .high school a memory at 14, minimum of college (Albright) before
medical school as late teen before leaving after first semester. . .vaguely
pissed at family, etc. and landed in Viet Nam as member 82d Airborne
Division fighting for truth, justice and the'American Way'. . .chased
pieces of paper at Georgetown and Berkely. . .as 50 creeps in on little
cat's feet, criminal law pays the bills; D' continues to battle the
brain for control of the Senses and body every day (of course, Apollo
has never been a match for Dionysus in my life). . .and the Necrotic
One has continues to elude me. . .picture available at http://briefcase.yahoo.com/phubi
NO!
Really? My grandmere said that at the age of 35 a man seeking what he
would term "The Necrotic One" would contact me. Many years
I have waited, and I THANK GOD I've found you! The drugs you speak of
will cure me of this horrible deforming disease, but before you dispense
them to me, you must think of others like me that are less fortunate.
Juan Villanobo, who lost his arms after watching a cockfight. He was
standing too close to the ring, and was in the advanced stages of the
disease. He now has to beg with his feet. Theresa Majdha who whores
daily to bring her family food. Her *entire vagina* fell out! How is
she supposed to feed little Narita now? Is there any way to replicate
the doseages of these mystical drugs so that they can help others less
fortunate than me as well? Hey...this'll look GREAT on my Miss America
application... - Elita
To
which he responded:
My
Dearest Elita,
It
is with a heavy heart and no small amount of trepidation. . .obviously
you haven't visited the Old Country in some time. . .that I relate to
you that shortly after Juan and Theresa married; Juan, drunk and fresh
from watching Don Sancho, his prize cock die ignominiously in the ring,
lost his mind and called his wife a useless "puttana", lost his dick
to an axe wielded by the strong armed "puttana", and lost his life when
he bled to death, a hat trick. . .so it goes; little Narita, a nubile
teenager, a witness to her mother's chopping and an unabashed daddy's
girl, took up the axe and gave her mother forty whacks. . .so it goes;
I could be wrong but I believe Johnny Cochran has agreed to represent
the Nubile One, whose libido is the talk of the town, pro bono. . .by
default the drugs are yours. . .so it goes.
Frank,
my darling choad,
AIEEEEEE!!!!
NO ME GUSTO! I must away to mourn in the style of my people. By putting
a wet paper bag over my genitalia whilst flogging my deaf/mute manservant
Paco. This is most grievous news indeed. Your update, while horrifying
and dismaying, is appreciated. Please let me know if further events
ensue. - Elita
(alas,
I'm sad to say that the rest of his responses spiralled into actually
trying to 'get to know me' in rather boring fashion. If he ends up coming
with anything else interesting, I'll poste it straightaway.)
Olfactories
= EROTIC You say you have an enormous, gaping hole in the side of your
nose? How about I clear that sinus infection for you, baby? Nasal sex
can be sooooooo hot. You haven't lived until you've felt my pelvis bumping
upside your noggin, my purple bulb poking dents in your medulla oblongata...
This
is easily my favorite response so far. Anybody that can use the word
'noggin' in a sentence without coming off as a hick intrigues me. My
medulla oblongata is throbbing with anticipation, baby... - Elita
Your
oblongata throbs for me? I'll try to aim my nasal penetrations at the
synaptic cluster that's responsible for orgasmic response. Really, who
needs clitoral stimulation when your lover has access to the source?
I can already hear myself slapping up against your cheeks... And those
cheeks can be upper or lower; I'm as keen on ass-fucking you as I am
in flooding your nostrils. How are your other would-be suitors responding
to your newly-formed orifice?
Jason
Well,
since I can fit a small rubber duckie inside the orifice, the idea seems
to excite them. Don't ask...I got really bored the other day. Mother
says it's because I eat too much bleach. The whore. God, how I hate
her...
Cool
ad. We are perfect for each other. I'm in alexandria also..and I have
gangreen..so we are perfect. I would love to have oral sex with you..buy
my tongue is yellow with blisters if you can overlook that. And I don't
have to talk to much because of my voice box since my operation. So
please if I sound interesting, please respond today with a more descriptive
offer and let's go from there.
Do
you at least moan gutterally when you cum? A girl's gotta have her standards.
- Elita
And
if you happened to croak with my cock up your ass, all I'd have to do
is wait for you to cool to REALLY get off!! Love it-wanna compare chancres?
(and
this coming from a married man...shame, shame)
Saw
your ad and it turned me on....I love to fuck girls with leprosy but
really prefer it after they have had it for a couple of years....Once
the legs have rotted off it is easier to get to their glory hole...I
simply put Vicks salve in my nostrils to get past the smell....Are you
contagious....I guess if I keep it away from the hole in your nose I
will be OK....if you are interested, please email me.........
Oh!
I think I just saw a questionable patch down on my right thigh, up next
to my hot box. With any luck, it'll come off...then you can hammer my
drooling hole for all you're worth, baby. And no, the doctor says I'm
not contagious. :)
Oh...I'm shaking just thinking about it. Elita
Dear
Necro, Im very interested in your request. I havent cleaned my uncut
cock in months so the accumulated discharge under the foreskin would
mix perfectly with your bodily fluids. The abundance of herpes sores
covering my cock would make it feel like a high-dollar french tickler.
If interested, let me know. Im not free this weekend, im having my bleeding
hemis removed.
God,
don't you just LOVE Herpes?!? It leaves such a generous coating of bumpy
sores on one's throbbing member. And the discharge! Like a fine Chardonnay...and
momma always said smegma makes the experience more frictional. Tell
me more... - Elita
Elita,
havent heard from you today but I am lucky, I just found out I have
a combination of Herpes and Chlamydia so now not only will I have sores
on my dick and mouth I can also have veneral warts....much more romantic
to go with your leprosy....think of the juicy fluids we could concoct...of
course I still have 10 inches that arent affected yet...the more to
jam in your cunny and asshole...you say you like fisting, I love it...you
can do me but please leave your diamond rings on...I love the way it
cuts the lining of my ass....hmmmmmmm...you turn me on..
Long
Tongue
Another
responder actually asked me if I walked around with a bell to
warn others to get out of the way like in the bible. This from a fellow
who apparently named his cock "Little Brucie". A plastic surgeon
that wanted to help me with my condition also responded. A great many
men also asked me if I was 'real' which gives me hope for the future.
Severalresponses
were appreciative of the humourous quality of the ad.
| I'll
be adding the worthwhile
responses as I get them. This picture was on the personal profile
of one of my respondees. It was so amusing in context with his 'hoping
that this ad didn't refer him to a porn site' that I thought I'd
share it. I must admit that I find myself wondering, with such an
image, he does realize that I'm "A GIRL", right? Hmmm... |
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