The people 
That surrounded me 
Found me annoying 
And obnoxious 
And difficult to relate to 

Making friends 
Was nearly impossible 
I tried so hard 
To get them to like me

I'd do anything 

Hyperactivity 
They called it 
And Ritalin 
Being the drug of choice 
In the 70's 
Coursed through my veins 
For nine years 

And still I was lonely
Scared 
And misunderstood

I was just less aware of it 

Childhood 
Is like a black blur 
Memories bleed together 
Forming a tapestry of 
Anger, pain and bewilderment 

Nobody liked me 

I'd reach out 
And get slapped away 
Like a bug 
Or something 
Less significant 

It took so much time 
It seems 
To realize
That I had to become 
A person that I wanted
To be around
To do fun stuff with 

Slowly, 
I began to build 
A personality 
Thinking hard 
On the person I wanted to be 

The person I had to become 
In order to "fit-in" 
So nobody would stare 
Or push me away anymore 

I tried everything 

And still, it didn't work 

Looking back, 
I realize 
That the person I tried 
So hard to become 
Was the person 
That I was all along 

And I never saw her 
Because I was trying so hard 

I could never see 

Copyright 2000 by Rogue